International adoption from the child's perspective...

                We have been reading a very helpful book on International adoption.  The author writes: “Join me for a moment of imaginary play.  I invite you to picture yourself plucked from your familiar life and dropped in the middle of nowhere’.

                You look around you.  You are in a remote place in the middle of what seems like nowhere in particular.  You have no maps or signs to tell you where you are.  Suddenly you are surrounded by strangers, all of whom are overjoyed to see you.  These people smile, laugh, and talk loud and fast, and they act as if you can understand them.  They touch your hair, your face, and your shoulders, and they hug you repeatedly.  You notice they have a peculiar odor.  They dress differently from anyone you have ever met.  Their language is unintelligible and sounds like gibberish.  You have no clue how or why you are here.  You have no idea if you will find your way back to your former life.” 

The author goes on to say that “many children experience the adoption process like a kidnapping”.  Worse yet, they have no way of knowing if this traumatic experience will happen again. 

In light of this reality, children have “reactive coping behaviors” that mask how they really feel.  These behaviors take up a lot of emotional energy….like treading water – it is hard work but it doesn’t get you anywhere fast.  The underlying belief with these behaviors is that the child must survive alone. 

The key for parents is to empathize with the child – even a very young child.  To speak out their grief and to assure them that you are going to take care of them until they are grown up. 

 

Knowing that John will miss his nannies and all the other children that sleep in one large room makes us sad.  His fellow orphans are like brothers and sisters to him – the people he interacts with everyday.    However, we know those pseudo brothers and sisters will not remain in the orphanage either.  And John needs medical care that we can afford to get for him.  In time, we trust he will come to embrace fully his new life – it will take time and lots of lovin’ and we are ready for that! 

 

A dear friend wrote out this prayer for John and us even before I posted this blog…a true sign that the Lord is leading people to pray what is on our heart…”Lord, I pray for Ron and Laurie as they go to China to pick up the little boy that you have chosen for them.  I pray for John’s transition of going from familiar surroundings, familiar people, friends, language and culture to a new mom and dad and a new culture.  Would you take his tender heart and give him understanding where there is confusion and peace where there is fear.  Give Ron and Laurie a trust in You that runs deep as they learn to parent and love John with the love that you provide.  Quiet John’s heart with the love of his new parents and the love of Jesus!  Amen.”