A Day of First's!!!

Wow!  We can hardly believe that this day has finally arrived!  At 10:30 a.m. our son was delivered by an “officer” of the Luohe City orphanage.  (see photo) There were 16 children being delivered to the same room yet when John arrived, we knew him instantly. 

He was cautious at first – we pulled out his back pack with a photo of him and us; several toys including a stuffed bear that he proceeded to throw numerous times.  (see photo)  He is very small for his age, as we expected.  The six month clothes that we brought fit him perfectly. 

Two highlights that we prayed about are that he allows us to hug and kiss him…he didn’t want to be put in his crib for a nap.  So he fell asleep being held and rocked between the two of us.  

Another glorious answer to prayer is that he does not prefer either one of us.  We were told that some children will only go to the new Mom or the new Dad…but John seems to respond to us equally as well. 

A few funny observations – he throws everything but food.  He likes to eat but he doesn’t like anything on his hands, like crumbs.   And he is patient with his new parents as they learn to take care of him. 

 

We hope to upload a video soon.  Thanks for your prayers and support.

The night before...

Tomorrow is the fulfillment as well as the beginning of a dream come true.  Ever since I can remember, I have wanted to be a mother.  Truth be told, I never really did like babysitting.  But I do like kids…a LOT! 

The desire to be a mom in my younger years was probably due to the fact that I had such a good one.  My Mom, (like my mother-in-law), is accomplished at all the things that people equate with being a Mom – she cooks well, sewed our clothes, baked fresh bread, was the girl scout leader, taught Sunday School, etc.

 

I have had a rewarding life so far– including adventurous travel, a graduate education, challenging leadership roles, etc.  But always, just below the surface has been the ache to be a Mom.   I want to be the one a child turns to when he is hurting or afraid.  I want to be the one to nurture and to help create an environment for growth…to make the birthday cakes and go to the teacher/parent conferences.  

And now I get to do this with my dear Ron!!!  My heart is bursting with gratitude. 

Tianjin and Beijing

Tianjin and Beijing

November 26th, 2010

Ron and I came early to China in order to see his cousin Cindy and her family.  Cindy and her husband Phil have lived in China for 20 years and are also adoptive parents of two Chinese girls.   Biking to the local market and cultural streets were highlights for us in Tianjin.

 Not only do we share a love for Chinese children but we have a deep bond of shared faith that united our time.

In China it is expected that you will barter for the price of goods that are bought in a market setting.  Cindy is the master.   Since we saw a photo of a mural of a Panda bear on the wall of the orphanage that John is in, we have been drawn to Pandas.   While shopping at the “Cultural Center”, we noticed a traditional Chinese painting on white silk of a mother Panda with a baby Panda.   Knowing we wanted to buy the painting Cindy started bargaining in Mandarin for a good price.  By the end of the session, the shop owner teased her/us that we had gotten such a good deal on the painting that she wouldn’t have any lunch money for the day!   Although humor does not always translate well between cultures, through Phil and Cindy, it was clear she was joking and we all found such pleasure in sharing that moment together.

Yesterday in Beijing, our adoption group of 14 families met for a tour.  In Ancient Chinese times, eight small homes were built around a common well.  In Beijing this area, called the Hutong homes, has been preserved.  The streets are very narrow and tourists are plentiful, therefore the common mode of transportation is the rickshaw. 

We also visited Tiananmen Square, the birth place of “modern China”, the People’s Republic of China and the Forbidden City. 

As we spend time with the adoption group, we are putting together bits and pieces of the stories of the other 13 families in the group.  Three are coming for their second Chinese child and one couple is adopting their third Chinese son.  Many have biological children at home – including one couple that also has 6 grandchildren!   Collectively, we seem to all be filled with hopeful anticipation as well as a bit of unease knowing that our futures are about to change drastically. 

We leave for Zhengzhou, the capital of Henan province in less than 24 hours.  And Monday – 15 hours ahead of US time zones, we get to meet our son!!!   Please pray for all these dear children whose lives are also drastically going to change in the next few days.   Their stress is often manifested physically in either getting sick or not being able to sleep. 

So grateful for your friendship and support!  

November 25th, 2010

We made it to China…thanks to all of you praying us here.  Very early on Monday morning, we spent 1 ½ hours on the tarmac in Colorado Springs before the pilot was cleared for takeoff.   The delay was anxiety producing yet we felt confident that we were in Good Hands!  Stepping off the plane in Beijing we had two thoughts – where is the forest fire? (the air quality is so bad in Beijing due to their use of coal, etc. and getting a good, clean breath of air was not possible) and wow!  Look at this airport!   The new airport built 

in time for the Olympic games is magnificent.

 

We were happy to find ALL our bags 

, 

to exchange our dollars for RMB,

 

 and find the driver who was hired to pick us up

Happy Thanksgiving ALL – we are on our way to the Forbidden City, and Tiananmen Square.  More about your visit to cousin’s Cindy and Phil soon! 

International adoption from the child's perspective...

                We have been reading a very helpful book on International adoption.  The author writes: “Join me for a moment of imaginary play.  I invite you to picture yourself plucked from your familiar life and dropped in the middle of nowhere’.

                You look around you.  You are in a remote place in the middle of what seems like nowhere in particular.  You have no maps or signs to tell you where you are.  Suddenly you are surrounded by strangers, all of whom are overjoyed to see you.  These people smile, laugh, and talk loud and fast, and they act as if you can understand them.  They touch your hair, your face, and your shoulders, and they hug you repeatedly.  You notice they have a peculiar odor.  They dress differently from anyone you have ever met.  Their language is unintelligible and sounds like gibberish.  You have no clue how or why you are here.  You have no idea if you will find your way back to your former life.” 

The author goes on to say that “many children experience the adoption process like a kidnapping”.  Worse yet, they have no way of knowing if this traumatic experience will happen again. 

In light of this reality, children have “reactive coping behaviors” that mask how they really feel.  These behaviors take up a lot of emotional energy….like treading water – it is hard work but it doesn’t get you anywhere fast.  The underlying belief with these behaviors is that the child must survive alone. 

The key for parents is to empathize with the child – even a very young child.  To speak out their grief and to assure them that you are going to take care of them until they are grown up. 

 

Knowing that John will miss his nannies and all the other children that sleep in one large room makes us sad.  His fellow orphans are like brothers and sisters to him – the people he interacts with everyday.    However, we know those pseudo brothers and sisters will not remain in the orphanage either.  And John needs medical care that we can afford to get for him.  In time, we trust he will come to embrace fully his new life – it will take time and lots of lovin’ and we are ready for that! 

 

A dear friend wrote out this prayer for John and us even before I posted this blog…a true sign that the Lord is leading people to pray what is on our heart…”Lord, I pray for Ron and Laurie as they go to China to pick up the little boy that you have chosen for them.  I pray for John’s transition of going from familiar surroundings, familiar people, friends, language and culture to a new mom and dad and a new culture.  Would you take his tender heart and give him understanding where there is confusion and peace where there is fear.  Give Ron and Laurie a trust in You that runs deep as they learn to parent and love John with the love that you provide.  Quiet John’s heart with the love of his new parents and the love of Jesus!  Amen.”

The miracle of John!

The more I hear about Chinese adoption, the more of a miracle John becomes.  Due to China’s increase in economic power, like in the US, pregnant women who can afford it are having ultra-sounds on their developing child.  If the scan shows birth defects, like cleft lip and palate, it is becoming more common to abort the child.

 

On our adoption agency’s conference call, we heard the founder (a native Chinese) speak of his first adoption trip.  When he visited orphanages 16 years ago in the Henan province (the one John is from), he found out that 1 out of 3 of the orphans were dying before they were 6 months old! 

 

No wonder the nannies name children with strong, affirmative names.  John’s Chinese middle name “Jei” means “Outstanding Person” and our friend’s son Nathan’s Chinese name means “Best Boy”.  These children have survived against so many odds.  

A Scripture that a friend sent us yesterday comes to mind:  “The Lord Himself is my inheritance, my prize.  He is my food and drink, my highest joy!  He guards all that is mine”.  Ps.16:5 TLB

Thank you, Lord for giving us John and for guarding His life with Your hands.   

new pictures of John after his surgery...

We heard from our Adoption agency that John did have surgery to repair his cleft lip in China on Nov. 8th.  We received these pictures that reveal he is out of the hospital and still healing.  He lip is red and scabbed - poor thing.  But it looks like he made it through just fine.  REJOICE!!!

In case you can't see the photo well enough, John has at least 4 shirts on that I can count - he looks like a football player but is still on the small side for his age.  And yes, someone shaved his hair again...we would like to say, "please, leave his hair alone!"

How old is John?

What seems like a very simple question, is actually quite complicated.  Truthfully, John is four ages at the same time.  Biologically, his 2^nd birthday is Nov. 22^nd.  So, the easiest answer is that he is two.  However, since he weighs only 16 lbs., for clothing, medicine dosages, car seat, etc. he is a 6-9 month old infant.  Hum…developmentally, we were told he recently started taking 3-4 steps independently before he needs the hand of a nanny to help him across the room.   He doesn’t talk, although it is our understanding that he does make sounds to communicate his desires.   Looking at US age appropriate expectations, John is probably more like a one year old in his development.  Now for the tricky part…the reputable International adoption book that we have been reading, suggests that for the parents, a very important “age” to consider is how long the child has been a part of your family.  They call this “family age”.  The importance of “family age” is that it determines what kind of parenting approach the child needs.  According to research, children do not skip stages.   Since John has not been with our family at all, his age for us is a new born. 

We have no fear that John can’t “catch up” developmentally and physically.    We have read and heard enough testimonies to know that our attention to his needs and getting him the right help will make a world of difference.    And if for some reason, he is not able to “catch up”, we will love him for who he is and for where he is developmentally.  

So, now you will know why we pause when we are asked…”how old is, John?”