Helping an adopted child develop his or her identity takes intentionality. In piecing together John’s history, we have been reading reputable sources on the typical experiences of growing up in an orphanage. This excerpt from an article is sobering yet helpful.
“In general, what might a child’s life have been in an orphanage? Even the best institutions
have the following:
• uneducated or minimally trained caregivers
• rotating caregivers on shifts
• abrupt transfers to different orphanages or sections of an orphanage
• loss of peers as those children are adopted or transferred
• limited language interaction with adults
• regimented daily activities: eating, sleeping, toileting at the same time each day (not based on the child’s individual needs)
• lack of spontaneous activities
• absence of personal possessions
• limited activities to develop motor skills–no use of markers, pencils, equipment
• exposure to toxins, including lead”
(from an article called: How Can You Combat the Effects of an Orphanage by Mary Beth Williams, PhD, LCSW, CTS)
One of our goals as John’s parents will be to establish a permanency in his heart and mind that as parents we are here to meet his needs – that he can depend on us to come to him as he learns to express his needs. In most orphanages, the children do not cry – even when they have a need that only the hired caregiver can meet. They don’t cry because they have learned that when they did cry, no one came. Thus they are programmed to not trust. We may be the only parents on the block that will be happy when our child cries!
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